A story about Bret Michaels stating he knew his band, Poison, had hit the big time came when he saw their debut album in the Columbia House catalog got me to reminiscing about those tape clubs and how I (like scores of others) exploited their offers.
The year was 1983, I was 13 going on 14 and the lure of 11 or 12 or 13 cassette tapes for 1 penny (just tape it to the order form!) was far too much to resist for this young music lover.
And- if you had multiple order forms, and also had no compunction about using multiple aliases- you could be swimming in music. Forget the fact you had just promised to buy (at full price) a number of cassettes within a certain time frame. That mattered not to this young music pirate.
Now at that time, the order forms were sent via junk mail and also in every Sunday newspaper (remember those?) usually as part of the Parade Magazine insert.
Also, quite fortuitous for me at that time- I was a newspaper delivery boy. You can see where this is going for this young music collector…
I don’t remember just how many order forms I pilfered and sent off- not only to Columbia House but also their rival, BMG. I do know that my cassette collection grew exponentially over the following months.
I do remember the less than stellar packaging- knock-offs, basically- a small picture of the album art not even covering the entire cassette case- the remainder of space was usually light blue or pink, and forget liner notes or lyrics or ANYTHING on the inside of the insert.
I also remember the hell I had to pay when those bills started rolling in, demanding I buy that month’s selected album, (which I never did,) and then demanding that I or whoever actually had money in the the household (hi mom & dad!) pay full price for the multitude of cassettes I had already received. It was a special and deservedly harsh hell. My folks just started picking cassettes that THEY would enjoy- and I would have to pay for them with the pittance I earned from slinging newspapers until all the contracts were paid off.
Lesson learned.
Later in life I would join various CD clubs, but with the full knowledge and intent to honor those contracts, which I did. (…I think…)
So as I reflected on this great music swindle I (almost) pulled off, I am reminded of a few of the albums that were sent to me and enjoyed. Below is a short list of some (certainly not even a small fraction) of them.
Scorpions – Blackout
Robert Plant – Pictures At Eleven
Police – Synchronicity
Billy Squier – Emotions In Motion
Duran Duran – Rio (hey- I was 14…)
Loverboy – Get Lucky
Go-Gos – Vacation (again, cut me some slack, I was 14)
Rush – Moving Pictures
Quiet Riot – Metal Health
Joan Jett – I Love Rock & Roll
Van Halen – Diver Down
And so many, many more. I’d like to thank Columbia House and BMG for helping me shape my musical tastes that year, and for not suing my parents.
